she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
