dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
whose ass print is on the piano?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
