somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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