Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
