Just cropdusted the office
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
