someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
