Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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