I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
