So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
