pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize