I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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