that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
