Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
