So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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