He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to make out with him forever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
