Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
