i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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