The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't notice because vodka
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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