if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
