Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
