This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
