I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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