you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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