ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize