The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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