i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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