So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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