do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
FUCK WHALES
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