Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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