I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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