you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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