every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
