I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
