his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
