shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
