I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
