I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
