I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
