If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
