spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just had sex on a roof
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
