He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
