he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
