I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do herpes really smell.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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