I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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