I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
