Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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