you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize