Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
