He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
