I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize