i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
