Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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