Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
