toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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