Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
