I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
