Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
