If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
