Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
