I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
