I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
