how hairy? two words: wookie tits
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize