i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
