drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
