I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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