you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A bitchslap is in order.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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