he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
