Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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