I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
