I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
