my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
