I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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