I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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