it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize