Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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