im six kinds of drunk right now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
