Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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