just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
