yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
