Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize