I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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