1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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