This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
