i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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