You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
