At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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